so its official....im possesed and no doubts bout it.. signin up for course that i wouldnt even dream
of doin and college that wasnt even in my list, not even the last option.. wad got into me? i dun
knw.. guess the "u need a secure job and money in future" got me to do somethin i dun like...but
honestly, if money that matters, i could be a prostitute and earn frm now onwards. i mean get
real! if money that all matters? what are we suppose to do with hearts and dreams and living
life? ok so maybe doin accounts is good for myself but nobody realize the problem with me and
accounts.. its just that wad happen b4 haunts me... i drop accounts in form 5 by giving reason i
cant cope up! thats 101% lie! of course i can do, i mean i not dat dumb la u knw... but those word
said and all.. haiz, i feel like a dumb everytime in class...yes,yes, my sis the one taught me
accounts but wad she din realise is i need time... i am trying to learn 2 year syllabus in 1
yea..thats hard! so i memang need tiime... and i felt stupid in class whn my frens can do better,
they will be probably in the 10th ques whn i still battlin through 1st quest.. and everyone seem
to move on without thinkin how i would have felt.. i felt dumb stupid helpless and worthless!i
actually felt like even a cockroach have life thn i do... i knw everyone tried to help me.. but its nt
helpin... i mean, sisters sayin do accounts, and dad sayin do law..but nobody actually asked wad i
like.. ok so maybe they did ask but reasons was given to cancel out my choice.. ok, i still stand
strong but i dun expect another long line of lecture of wad i suppose to do after enter college.
study hard, perform well, take care, dun behave wrong.... goddamn it! obviously i knw.. you knw
wad i wanted to hear "dun worry, of course can do. its easy. u sure can perform. im sure u will
succeed"... and these were not even in the between.. and even if they said it, they probabbly din
mean it... how am i to do accounts whn i dun have ppls trust that i can do it... how am i to do, if
they dun knw the real reason why i dropped accounts in form 5.. i cried every nite, thinkin bout
this..and everyone just think that i not capable of doin accounts...u knw, the feelin of ppl lookin
down on u.. its definitely not nice... and what bout the time, i gave up my outin so my sis go out
and in the end i was be blame... sigh.. and wad about the time, i broke my trophy that i gt for
pmr and my certs which i tore, whn my sister told me that i got straight Aa's in pmr cuz im
lucky... r u kiddin me? lucky? lucky, is that all i wana hear? pathetic aite.. n bout today, my gf's
im sry i cant go for outin.. i seriously was lookin forward to it actually, although im broke.... i
needed to talk. weird aite, i thought life will be ok after spm but only god knw that knw ni d hell
start... honestly, i wish i can stop breathin, the day we stop breathin, the problem will stop...
unwanted on earth, BLONDE
